You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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