I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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