Dude my mom stole all your condoms
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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