my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
