If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this will be a night to untag.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
