Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
