Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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