Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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