What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
