nut hugger
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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