So drunk its hurt
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
