Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
