i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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