I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
