you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
