I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
