Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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