I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize