somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
