someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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