I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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