I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
