apparently the secret to your success is patron
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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