Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
