I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
