just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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