I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
