Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just gargled with NyQuil
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
