she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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