My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
