filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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