apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
