Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
