My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
