wakey wakey hands off snakey
from now on my penis is your penis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
