Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
