My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
