I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We had to coat check the pizza.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
