tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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