I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my shit smells like andre
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
