Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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