thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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