Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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