pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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