i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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