just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
