his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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