I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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