We won't sleep together?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
