Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The adults are the big ones right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
