Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize