Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
