Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize