why didn't you poke me back
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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