we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
