Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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