Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
