Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
