the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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