i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
