Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
