I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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