Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
