whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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