I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
