I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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