i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
