I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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