how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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